April Fools
by Psychodahlia
Summary: Third chapter. Kiyone gets fed up and learns an important lesson about friendship and teamwork. Or not.
1. Chapter 1

It was quiet. Too quiet. It made him nervous, he kept on wondering which part of the house would be blown up next. His whole body tensed up, waiting for the blast of destruction to shake the foundation and graze everyone in the house. He strained his ears, listening for the tell tale fight that always proceeded the explosion.

Nothing.

Too paranoid to sleep, Tenchi forced himself to focus on his homework, keeping himself prepped for disaster. Math, history, literature, he finished them all without interruption. Disturbed and frightened, he got up and went downstairs.

Ayeka and Ryoko were sitting at the kitchen table. For a second his stomach jumped up his throat and he had to brace himself not to yell for everyone to duck and cover. But no, they were talking quietly. When they saw him, they stood up.

_This is it._ He thought. _They'll make me choose. Whatever choice I make they'll fight over it. Then they'll blow up the house, killing everyone in it. Goodbye cruel world._

"Tenchi?" Ryoko said hesitantly.

_I bequeath to my father all my worldly possessions…_ "Hi girls."

"Tenchi, we just wanted to tell you we've decided to quit fighting over you."

_God, forgive me my sins…._ "Huh?"

"Yes. We've realized it doesn't make you happy, so we decided to stop it." Ayeka chimed in.

"We thought you should have a chance to at least finish high school before choosing to marry an alien princess or an alien space pirate."

"So we won't be blowing anything up or fighting anymore."

"What do you think?"

Tenchi stared at them, the culmination of his dreams and desires wrapped up in two peaceful, reasonable women who were no longer fighting. They would give peace a chance. They would let him be. It was more than he ever could've hoped for.

Something in Tenchi snapped.

"I'm free! I'm free!" He yelled, darting out of the house. "Dad! Grandpa! I'm free! The nightmare has ended! I'm a free man! Ahahahaha! I'm freeeeeeeee!"

The two women stared at him, a little unsure of what to do. Ryoko spoke first.

"How do you think he'll act when we tell him it was an April Fool's Day joke?"

Fin.

Author's note- Not sure what inspired this. Random plot bunny I guess. It was fun to write, I might do a few more. Anyways, feel free to leave comments, critiques and death threats.


	2. Gamers

The old warrior narrowed his eyes and concentrated on his opponent. He would win this time. He was sure of it. He had the skill. He had the motive. He had the training. This time was his.

Beads of sweat glistened on his slightly wrinkled forehead. He knew this routine, had practiced it a million times before. Now all he had to do was remember the moves. It shouldn't be hard; he'd learned difficult things before.

She got a hit in and he grimaced. It hurt his pride more than anything else. She was…she was a child! And the idea of losing to a child was unbearable. He was a man! It was a man's duty to fight and to keep fighting until he had won!

He feinted left. Another left. A kick. She blocked him. The sweat rolled down into his eyes but he refused to wipe it away. To do so would have been to take his attention from the scene in front of him and he couldn't afford that. He was too disciplined to allow himself any distractions.

Finally, finally!, he saw it. An opening. He kicked her feet out from under her, knocking her down. He was just about to body slam her, when she rolled out of the way. Getting to her feet, she hit him with a blast of raw ki. It knocked him on his back.

No…no! He couldn't lose, not this time! His pride demanded he be victorious. If he could just remember how to roll, how to block to a punch, how to…how to….

"Player One wins!" The video game announcer yelled out. On the screen the pink clad ninja girl jumped up and down in jubilation.

"I win!" Sasami said cheerfully, unaware that she had just emasculated a man. "Azaka, are you okay?"

Heartbroken and valiantly holding back a desire to commit hara kiri, the Knigh of Jurai nodded.

Kamidake arched an eyebrow. "Azaka, are you sure you're okay?" He had been charged with keeping score and had alternated between that and pondering the ironies of life. (_I spent six years training to join one of the toughest military units around and all I do is sit and watch a kid and my commanding officer play video games. I hate my life_.)

Azaka nodded again and stood up. "I'm fine. Thank you. I think I'll just….see if Lady Ayeka needs anything." He gave them a forced smile and left the room.

Kamidake rubbed his temples and watched him go. "Little Princess, is there anyway I could convince you to just let him win?"

"Kamidake!" Sasami was shocked. "I couldn't do that! What would it do to his pride if he ever found out I let him win? He'd be devastated! His confidence in his abilities would be shot! He'd wonder if his whole life had been a sham!"

"I'll buy you an ice cream."

"…."

"A chocolate ice cream!"

"Keep talking."

"Double chocolate fudge ice cream with all the syrup and sprinkles you want."

"Three scoops?"

"What? One."

"Three."

"Two."

"Three or you'll spend your entire military career watching Azaka fail at Street Fighter."

He sighed. "Fine. Three. But you have to let him win at Mario too."

"Done."

End.

Author's notes: You all thought Sasami was just a cute little girl didn't you? Didn't know she knew how to drive a bargain didja? Hah!


	3. Chapter 3

Kiyone swallowed. This was not good.

Where was her partner? Gone on a grocery run.

Where was she? On her ship, facing down a criminal mastermind.

Her opponent was a lethal martial artist. He had trained since birth in the criminal arts and had taken down more talented GP officers than herself. He carried a saber and at least five knives, hidden all over his body. He didn't have a gun because he didn't need one. He could move with lightening swiftness and the few officers who had survived his wrath swore up and down that he could dodge bullets. Records pulled from his high school showed that his IQ was off the charts. He was wanted all over the Galaxy and he was grinning at her like a madman.

This sucked.

All of a sudden, Kiyone sighed. "Screw it."

The criminal blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I said screw it. Surrender or I'm gonna shoot you." To demonstrate her commitment to this resolve she pulled out her gun, loaded it and pointed it at him.

"Uh…" He blinked a few times and stared at her owlishly. "That's not how it's usually done…"

"You have two choices; one: you surrender. Two: I kill you. It's that simple."

"You know I can dodge bullets right?" She wondered if he used that for a pick-up line.

"I call bull but if you want to try your luck, go ahead." She smirked. "You have nowhere else to go. You're on my ship, I have a gun on you."

The smirk was a lie. Several species could travel at fantastic speeds. She hoped he wasn't one of them and the rumors were false.

The rumors were false. "Fine. How do you want to do this?"

"You put down the saber and I'll toss you the handcuffs."

"You want me to put down my knives."

"I'll search you. I don't trust you enough to think you'll give up all your knives."

He was in jail for all of a week before escaping. Apparently, the Galaxy Police were no match for his criminal kung-fu. He had picked the lock and did a Chuck Norris on everyone he met, despite them all having weapons.

When she heard that Kiyone's head met her desk.

Fin.

Author's notes: I would so use that as a pick up line. "I can dodge bullets." I would say it with a cheesy grin on my face too.


End file.
